Compliments, Insults and Stalkerish Tendencies
by FelixFelicis-LiquidLuck
Summary: It all started with Lily calling Sirius ugly. When Remus (reluctantly) consoles him and accidentally admits that he thinks Sirius is a number of things along the lines of beautiful, perfect and entrancing, Sirius is still not satisfied. Because, let's be honest, when is Sirius ever satisfied? Aka, Sirius is a needy drama queen and Remus just wants to eat his chocolate in peace.


"Those are my stash of poptarts! I went out and bought them myself! If you want poptarts so desperately, go buy your own!" Sirius complained.

Lily didn't even look up from her book, still angry at Sirius from when he had accidentally set her bag on fire, which had included several finished essays, her favourite book series and a lot of her textbooks.

"Oi! Lily!" Sirius pouted, poking Lily's cheek with a pen.

"Talk to me when you've fixed your face," Lily said flippantly. Sirius scowled.

"You're way too rude to someone who has an awful lot of power by default of you dating my best friend," he said huffily, turning away.

Lily finally looked up to smirk triumphantly.

"You didn't deny though, did you? You're pretty ugly for someone who's meant to be a playboy."

Sirius stared after him sullenly as Lily walked out of the dorm. He sat there, sulking, until Remus walked in.

"Moony," he wailed pathetically, throwing himself half off the bed and somehow ending up with his head on the floor and his legs still lying on the bed

Remus took one look at the miserable mess named Sirius Black and walked back out.

"Noooooo, this is serious!" Sirius moaned pitifully. "Don't go."

Remus re-entered the room reluctantly.

"You look like a drunk dude who's forgotten how to sit on a bed," Remus commented. "What's up?"

"You flatter me," Sirius smiled, before remembering his sulk and pouting. "Lily called me ugly."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"That's all?"

"Yep."

Remus sat on the floor, cross-legged by Sirius's head to pat it in what was probably meant to be a sympathetic way but the fact that he was rolling his eyes rather ruined the image, Sirius mused in his head.

"People call you hot everyday, and you're upset because one person called you ugly?"

"Pretty much," Sirius said moodily, swinging his legs down to sit properly next to Remus. "Do you think I'm ugly?"

Remus shook his head wearily. "I don't think you're hot though. You're more... Beautiful? Like some perfect otherworldly thing that you're not allowed to touch. And your face has something entrancing about it, it's kind of hard to look away from. That's why so many people throw themselves at you."

Pause.

"Did I just say all that?"

"Yeah... You did."

Remus looked around awkwardly. "Um, bye."

And he ran.

Sirius contemplated Remus's words. Did he really meant all of that? It seemed like he did but...

A smirk took over Sirius's lips. Remus thought he was entrancing, perfect and beautiful?

He sighed contently. Maybe he was finally getting somewhere with this ridiculous, never-ending crush.

He grimaced. Or maybe not. Remus was still straight and Sirius was still convinced that the younger male had a crush on Marlene.

Sirius did not approve of such a crush.

"YAH!" he yelled randomly, frustrated, just as Peter walked in.

Peter took one look at the miserable mess named Sirius Black and walked back out.

This felt familiar.

Deja vu much?

Sirius sighed.

"Peteeeeer~!" he yelled. Peter's head peeked in.

"Yes?" he replied cautiously.

"Where's James?" Sirius asked.

"Common room," was the short reply before he, too disappeared. Sirius dragged himself to the door and proceeded to crawl on his hands and knees to the common room. He passed Frank, who looked confused, but wisely did not question.

Sirius got to the stairs and frowned, wondering how he was to go around this obstacle. The whole hands-and-knees thing looked pretty pathetic and was going to be amazing at gaining sympathy, but it was going to be a dead giveaway if anyone saw him walking normally at any point.

Never let it be said that Sirius's logic as warped.

"Sit on your bum and bump down," Peter offered. Sirius took a moment to wonder who the actual hell said 'bum' when over the age of ten.

"I don't need your help," Sirius sniffed, but took the advice offered and slid down the stairs on his ass and proceeded to continue his crawling towards James's armchair by the fire.

James gave him an unimpressed look. "Should I ask?"

Sirius threw himself on the next armchair and looked James in the eye seriously.

"James, I need your help."

"When do you not?" James muttered. "What's the matter?"

"Lily called me ugly and said that my face needed fixing and when I told Remus, he called me beautiful."

James blinked.

"Is that bad?"

Sirius let out a long-suffering sigh, before replying. "But he has a crush on Marlene!"

It was James's turn to sigh now. "No, he does not. He told me he doesn't and if he did, he would have told us. He used to like her, but not any more. Get that into your head."

Sirius didn't think he was ready to believe James but dropped the matter.

"Do you think he's teasing me? That he's found out I like him and now he's making fun of me?" Sirius worried, biting his bottom lip.

"I doubt it," James shook his head. "He's too nice for that. That sounds more like your forte."

Sirius didn't bother protesting the last sentence.

They sat in silence, contemplating the situation.

"Well, I'm trying to finish this essay so..." James said awkwardly, looking down at the parchment on his lap. Sirius's eyes widened before narrowing immediately.

"Since when do you do homework?" Sirius asked suspiciously. "The only Marauder that's allowed to do homework is Remus and that's because he's cute enough for me to let it go."

"Lily said I can't come to Hogsmeade with her unless I finish my Transfiguration homework," James said sheepishly, not looking up. Sirius felt horrified.

Lily walked over to them and squeezed next to him on the same armchair and kissed his cheek (James's, obviously, not Sirius's).

Sirius pouted.

"Are purposely mocking me with your perfect relationship?" he complained.

"Yes," James replied immediately. Lily looked at him.

"Oh, hey, ugly," she grinned.

Sirius stormed up to the dorm, sulking once more.

He wandered around the dorm, moping. Twice, he passed Peter, and twice Peter walked off, clearly wanting nothing to do with Sirius's depressed state.

He opened the cupboard to find all of his pictures of Remus (everyone has stalker-ish tendencies from time to time, some more than others. Sirius was in the latter category, of course.)

And, of course, Remus was sitting in the cupboard, stuffing his face with a massive chocolate bar that Sirius would have, under any other circumstances, demanded to be shared.

Because, of course, sitting in a cramped cupboard, surrounded by leather jackets and eating chocolate after admitting to your best that they were, what did he say? Oh yes, 'perfect, entracing, beautiful'was normal procedure.

Sirius vaguely wondered if Remus had found the photos. He hoped not.

"Uh," Sirius said intelligently.

"Um," Remus said, just as intelligent.

"Just kiss already!" Peter yelled from the door. They turned to face him, and he shrugged.

"Lily told me to say it."

And he left.

An awkward silence settled over the two. Sirius fidgeted uncomfortably, before trying to make conversation.

"Why are you even in there?" Sirius asked brightly with a sudden smile. Remus raised an eyebrow at the awkward conversation starter.

"Peter kept bothering me because I lost one of his teddies, so I wanted to get away from him," Remus shrugged.

They were silent for a while.

"Do you really think I'm beautiful?" Sirius blurted. Remus reddened and looked away.

"Trust you to bring that up again," he grumbled, but sighed and answered anyway. "It was a joke. Just a joke. I swear."

Sirius smiled wryly. Remus was a terrible liar; he'd always blink furiously and avoid all eye-contact desperately. So, it was true. He _did_ think he was... what did he say again? Oh, yes, 'perfect, entrancing, beautiful'.

"You're doing that lying thing again," Sirius pointed out, willing back a smile. Remus gave him a guilty look before sighing.

"Fine. It's true."

Sirius bit his lip, thinking hard. What would a competent person do in his situation?

The thing was, it was hard to think like a competent person if you aren't already competent.

And Sirius was far from competent.

Or so he was told.

Sirius decided to go with his gut instinct and if it didn't work out then...

Oh well.

He grabbed Remus collar and pulled him forward, making him fall half out of the cupboard, and pressed his lips against him in an almost painful way.

"About time too!" James called from the door. Sirius turned around and Remus face-palmed.

"James sweetie, do you mind fucking off?" Remus said in his sweetest voice.

Sirius looked anywhere but at Remus. This was the part where he got rejected, right?

Lily's head peeked into the dorm before she walked off again, shouting over her shoulder, "Make sure you use a condom!"

Pause.

Sirius awkwardly faced Remus again.

"Look," he sighed. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that, it was out of line, and I kind of like you and I really shouldn't since you're straight and you like Marlene and I can understand that and respect that and I promise it won't happen again and I won't molest you in your sleep, it's just that I want us to still be friends and if you think it's too awkward then that's fine but-"

"Sirius, you're rambling," Remus pointed out. Sirius paused and licked his lips.

"Yes, I am," he said carefully, waiting for Remus's reaction. Remus smiled and shuffled a little closer.

"Um-" Sirius started but a pair of lips interrupted him.

Remus's pair of lips, he noticed.

They were soft, yielding but not too much, and god, was that Remus's tongue poking at his lips? Sirius opened his mouth, practically sucking Remus's tongue in.

"I said kiss, not snog," Peter said irritably. "Please snog in a more private place. We share this bedroom!"

Sirius and Remus parted quickly, embarrassed.

"You're so freaking rude," Sirius grumbled. "What kind of best friend are you?"

"One who should be the leader, at this rate," he grinned. James appeared behind him, raising an eyebrow.

"No offense," he added hastily.

"I should be the leader!" Lily butted in. "You need female authority. I mean, let's be real, do you really need to be a Marauder to be the leader?"

Sirius suddenly burst into tears and the four of them looked at him, startled.

"Padfoot, are you okay?" Remus asked concerned, hugging him immediately.

"I thought you were going to hate me!" he howled pitifully.

Remus looked confused. "Why would I hate you?"

"Mood swings much?" Lily muttered, but even she looked concerned.

"Because I sexually harassed you and I thought you wouldn't want to even sleep in the same room as me because I'm gay and I like you," he sobbed.

Remus ran his hands through Sirius's hair soothingly.

"It's okay, it's okay," he muttered in his ear. "It's kind of hard to hate you, Pads."

Lily made gagging noises and left. James smiled at him encouragingly, before disappearing too. Peter's eyes were suspiciously watery as he walked away.

Sirius finally calmed down.

"I was so scared," he said, almost in awe.

"Well, now I feel flattered that our relationship means so much to you," Remus grinned. Sirius frowned.

"So, uh, what are we now?" he asked awkwardly, voice still wobbly but mostly over the waterworks episode within seconds, in true Sirius fashion.

"Well, um, I was thinking, you know, maybe, boyfriend, but um, if you don't wan-" Remus mumbled, looking anywhere but at the person in front of him.

"I want to be your boyfriend!" he said quickly, an eager look on his face.

Remus paused.

Sirius grimaced.

"Yeaahhh, that sounded really desperate," Sirius muttered.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Remus laughed.

They sat in silence for a while, holding hands and just looking at each other.

"Um," Sirius began, before becoming silent again.

"Yeah?" Remus encouraged. Sirius fiddled with his sleeve.

"Uh, cannykeesyuagayn?" Sirius rushed. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"I don't speak Klingon so just English, please."

"Nerd," Sirius said, rolling his eyes as though he hadn't watched Star Trek fifty times over and saying, slowly and carefully, "Can I kiss you again?"

Remus looked at him blankly and Sirius panicked.

"I mean, sorry, I, you didn't say, you know, you were, um, gay, I just assumed, that, um, because you, uh, humoured me? I guess... um, I'm sorry-"

Remus kissed him.

It was better than the first. Softer, more loving and heartfelt than the rushed smashing-of-lips Sirius demonstrated earlier.

Sirius shifted so he had a better hold of Remus's shirt and was sitting on his lap, legs on either side. Remus held his back and and this kiss got even deeper, tongue, teeth and all.

"I literally just told them to snog in a more private place five seconds ago," they heard Lily mutter from the other side of the door. Of course, they ignored him.

They parted and Remus smiled.

"Why did you stare at me like that when I asked if I could kiss you?" Sirius grumbled.

"I didn't see why you had to ask since I kissed you back the first time," Remus shrugged, leaning in for another kiss.

"Good god, why? Why next to my bed?" James moaned from the other side of the door, and they heard Lily and Peter shush him.

Sirius ignored everyone.

Except, of course, Remus.


End file.
